04/11/2017

BYRON MEETS MR J

Following a not terribly healthy breakfast of Slushies and Croissants, Wilson proudly introduced Byron to Mr Juicy the Talking Orange.

Byron, never having seen a ventriloquism act before, was spellbound, chatting happily with 'Mr J' for some time. 


Once the impromptu show was over and Mr J had been returned to his home in the fruit bowl, Byron asked whether all oranges could talk, or whether this was a special orange that Wilson had raised from a pip and trained...



03/11/2017

LEFTOVERS

Well, by the narrowest of margins we have all survived the Day of the Dead Celebrations, although there are still a few lingering hangovers.

The Día de los Muertos Cake was a great success, but The Bees have insisted that Wilson, Byron and I are not allowed to help finish it up due to the risk of diabetes. 


Apparently Moles, Piglets, Ladybirds, Stuffed Toys and, of course, Bees are all immune to diabetes, so they're eating the cake leftovers while Wilson, Byron and I gaze longingly as the succulent confectionary is consumed...



02/11/2017

DIA DE LOS MUERTOS

Although now an ordained minister in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Wilson was raised as a Catholic.

Consequently, Catholic practices are deeply ingrained in his psyche, and it was almost second nature for him to construct a small Day Of The Dead Shrine to his Great Great […] Grandfather, Alberto Victor Gutiérrez-López, who grew up to be war hero The Blue Baron in the Great Ant Wars of 1921.


He also found time to bake a delicious-looking Day of the Dead cake – a mouthwatering confection of which even master-patissier extraordinaire Uncle Zoltan would have been proud! 


Also there are some Free Día de los Muertos Badges for you to cut out and wear – W warns you to be very careful if you stick them to your fur, as he's had some nasty glue-related incidents in the past...



01/11/2017

COVER STARS

Hello there! We are Polly and Billi the Bees, and this is our Guest Blog!

We usually blog about the terrible way that bees and other (less charming and lovely) insects are being poisoned by humanity in general, and by the huge Chemical Pesticide Companies in particular, but today, Bee Lovers, we have something VERY special to show you: we are COVER STARS!


We, and our young children Johnson Major and Johnson Minor, all have our photo on the cover of Cooking For Insects Magazine! 


Our unique recipe for Honey on Toast (first featured here on this Blog on 1 March 2015) is being published, along with a 'lifestyle' feature about our lives as Busy Mummy Bees with a young family!


You can buy a copy of Cooking For Insects at all good insect-related newsagents — and we hope you will!


Anyway, we've been The Bees and we'll see you next month – until then, BEEEEEEEEEEE GOOD!



31/10/2017

TRICK OR TREAT SELF SERVICE

In a break with Hallowe'en tradition, Wilson has decided NOT to go out Trick-or-Treating tonight, opting rather to stay at home with his family 'Partying Hard'. 

I suspect this means a lot of wild dancing, eating too much and getting totally Blootered on Ant Gin, but it's only once a year.


To avoid interruptions from visiting Trick-or-Treaters, he has installed a Candy Vending Machine outside the front door, with instructions to Insert 50p for Spooky Treat.


Moreover, W has confided to me that for the amount of work involved, Hallowe'en doesn't last long enough, so this year he's going the Full Day Of The Dead – a festivity that continues until 2 November!


He's a bit miffed that tomorrow it's The Bees turn to Blog, but says he'll be back with more not-to-be-missed revelry on Thursday.


Hangover permitting.


I hope I can survive these extended celebrations – I find even Easter is a bit burdensome...



30/10/2017

HAPPY HALLOWEEN UCKFIELD!

Wilson and Byron have been out all day fixing up their Big Surprise.

Now, as dusk falls, I've just had a phone call from W to go up to Chestnut Ridge, just by the Highlands Roundabout, so they can show it to me.


As I made my way there, I could see a weird glow in the sky – and now I know why!


I have to say, it looks really good, and not half as terrible as I feared – I don't see how anyone could complain about it!


Unless drivers negotiating the roundabout are distracted by it and crash.


Oh, and I suppose whoever pays for the electricity they've tapped into to light the sign might have something to say about it...



29/10/2017

LAST MINUTE HALLOWEEN SHOPPING

This consisted of me driving the boys out to a distant shopping mall where they gazed longingly at animatronic skeletons they couldn't afford, then on to Tesco in the Village, where the staff had organised a Charity Lucky Dip.

Instead of the more customary sawdust, it was necessary to plunge one's paw up to the elbow into a bucket of vile slime to locate a plastic spider hiding at the bottom of the bucket – successful retrieval of which entitled one to a Mystery Hallowe'en Prize.


Afterwards Byron trotted off to the loo to wash his paws, but Wilson refused to accompany him. 


Given his loathing of soap and water, I dread to think how long his arms will be covered in the ghastly gloop...