No need to buy a Recipe Book,
Wilson will show you what to cook.
Wilson has accepted that he was wrong to secretly replace all the Recipe Cards in our local Tesco with his own ant-based Recipe Cards.
However, rather than put all his cards in the Recycling Bin, he has decided to share them with you, his friends and readers.
He points out, though, that since he has no control over your ingredients, the cleanliness of your kitchen, or whether you have washed your paws before you start cooking, you use these recipes entirely at your own risk.
Having tasted all of Wilson's recipes at one time or another, I can highly recommend his Veggie Ant Quiche – although I confess I always pick the ants out of my serving while he's not looking. You might want to consider doing the same.
"Every Little Helps" they say,
But Wilson's help is not okay.
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I've just received the phone call I'd been half-expecting and half dreading... from the General Manager at Tesco.
It appears that Wilson's idea of 'Really putting Tesco on the map' was to replace all their 'outdated' recipe cards with his own ant-based recipe cards.
Also the shelf-banners have had a bit of an 'update'.
While the very nice manager appreciated that W had done this from the best of motives, she said that it would have been better if he'd asked first.
''I would have asked first,' Wilson explained, 'but I was afraid you'd have said "no"...'
'We would,' she replied. 'Still, there's been no harm done, so let's just say no more about it.'
Making our way back to the car, W complained that supermarkets should be prepared to Think Different – to move forward into an insect-based culinary future...
According to W's friend Kate, in New Zealand you can already buy snacks with ants in them – 'That' he said, 'is one forward-thinking country.'
As we drove home, he asked me whether I'd ever thought of moving to New Zealand...
Wilson tries with all his might
To put his bad behaviour right
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I expect you remember when Wilson started 'acting out' and got into a bit of trouble at our Tesco Supermarket a few weeks ago?
Now he feels very bad about it, and has resolved to try to make amends.
He's just set off for our local Tesco in the village, and although I don't fully* understand what he intends to do, he's told me he's 'Really going to help put Tesco on the map'.
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* I have absolutely NO idea... 😕
Don't let your money go to waste;
Send it to Wilson now, in haste!
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I'm sure you all know by now that the old £1 coin will cease to be legal tender next Sunday.
Wilson was unaware of this until he heard something about it on the radio this morning. He reported to me that there are more than FIVE HUNDRED MILLION of these soon-to-be-worthless Old Pound Coins still rattling about in people's purses, pockets and piggy banks. Oh, and down the back of the sofa, obviously.
W says that this is a dreadful waste, and has launched a CHARITY APPEAL to save this money being lost or grabbed by the Government.
He says that if just ONE IN FIVE HUNDRED of these old coins was sent to him, he would be a millionaire, thus keeping the imprudent promise he made to his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, all those years ago!
He pledges that all money received over-and-above £1m he will personally donate to the Sloth Orphanage in Costa Rica and the Retirement Home for Elderly Elephants in Thailand — I have to admit, he seems pretty confident!
So, Wilson asks you to please send all your old £1 coins to:
Wilson Vermilingua
New Dad's House
Uckfield
England.
I've given him a few just to start him off...
Scared lest a Meteor land on his head,
Wilson deserted his cosy warm bed.
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Last night Wilson, accompanied by Antony and TT, slept in the Asteroid Shelter in the garden as a precaution against being killed by the Draconid Meteor Shower.
Because of the very limited accommodation afforded by the Shelter, the rest of his family was forced to risk Sudden Death By Meteorite* Strike while nervously sharing my bed in the house. This, I have to say, made for a pretty restless night.
I finally got off to sleep about 3am, only to be rudely awoken moments later by a cold and very damp Wilson scrambling into bed beside me.
He judged that the 'imminent danger' had passed, and remaining in the (still partly flooded) Asteroid Shelter was 'Just not viable.'
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* A Meteorite is a Meteor that strikes the Earth — educational or what?!
