We've left the Children's Furniture Zone, and now we're in the restaurant.
Wilson eschewed the famous IKEA Meatballs in favour of many vegetarian alternatives.
He's just had an SMS from Polly reminding him that it is now three months since Uncle Zoltan disappeared...
He received this news stoically, saying, 'This slightly alcoholic IKEA Pear Juice is totes delicious – I think we should stock up on it before we leave!'
I hope he doesn't fill himself up too much, because we're going to one of his favourite restaurants once we've finished here...
As we proceeded through the maze that is IKEA I began to fear not that we would meet the Minotaur, but rather that we would never see daylight again.
Wilson, however, was unstoppable. Each new room set was met with gasps of wonder and delight – I dread to think what he'll find in the Marketplace area that he simply can't live without!
The next thing he discovered, as we entered the Children's Furniture Zone, was a small bed with a tent-like canvas canopy over it.
W was smitten: 'We've GOT to get this, New Dad — it would be perfect if my friend Dennis ever comes to stay!'
I was tempted to enquire where we'd put a guest bed if the guest bedroom were converted into W's study... but I thought better of it. I'd prefer that plan was forgotten about altogether.
I needn't have worried, though, as he was distracted by the sight of a sign pointing to the Restaurant ➔
Moving on, we came to a Living Room set.
I feared Wilson would want to clear out our living room at home and replace everything with IKEA furniture, but instead he told me how much his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, would love a living room like this.
'Just look how bouncy the sofa is!' he shouted, while demonstrating how bouncy the sofa was.
'When I am finally a millionaire,' he added, gravely, 'I shall buy Mrs V. a living room just like this, and have it installed at the zoo!'
Entering IKEA's labyrinthine Room Sets Zone, the first room we entered was a very attractive study — a study such as I would quite like for myself, as it happens.
Wilson jumped into the office chair, spun it around a few times then scooted it across the room, declaring, 'I need a study EXACTLY like this one! Just think of the INVENTING I could do in a study like this! Look, New Dad, there's a clock... a world map... a pinboard... a tv... We can convert the Guest Bedroom — we'll make a start on it as soon as we get home!'
I thought about that for a moment, and tried to move him on.
So, I have but a few hours to think of a reason not to spend a small fortune converting the guest bedroom into a 'study' for Wilson — or 'playroom/den' as I'm certain it would quickly turn in to.
I wonder if he'd settle for me putting up a clock in his tumble dryer?
Moving away from the frozen treat dispensers and into the store, the first thing Wilson noticed was a display of Shopping Bags, Pencils and Tape Measures.
Pointing to them, he asked me, 'Are those things free, New Dad? They're not priced.'
I explained that the shopping bags were to use just while we shopped and had to be handed back at the checkout but, I supposed, the pencils and tape measures were, in a sense, free.
'Woah!' he exclaimed, climbing onto a stack of chairs and helping himself to a pawful of pencils and tape measures, 'I'll be able to start an on-line Pencil and Tape Measure Shop!'
I shook my head ruefully as he continued, 'I shall call it "Pencils and Tape Measures R Us!"'
