18/02/2017

SNOW REPORT

Wilson was just finishing a late breakfast of boiled egg and soldiers with ant sprinkles, when he noticed the Sky Snow Report on tv.

He ran out to me and asked whether I knew how much it would cost to sponsor the Sky Snow Report


I replied by asking him why on earth he'd want to, but he tossed his head in frustration and ran off.



17/02/2017

A PORTENTOUS EVENT GOES UNNOTICED

Driving home from the restaurant last night, in a (probably doomed) attempt to persuade Wilson to postpone his Weston Super Mare holiday until later in the year, I reminded him how cold and wet our holidays in Blackpool and Liverpool had been.

He countered my every point by saying how great those holidays had been in spite of the cold, wet and windy weather. 


Once he'd said, 'You know, New Dad, wherever we go, we have a brilliant time as long as we're together!' I knew I had lost my case...


This morning Uncle Zoltan received an official-looking letter in the post — he carried it off to his hive, probably in order to read it in private.


15/02/2017

ROBERT DE NIRO

Once our main courses had arrived — vegetarian Ravioli for W, Calzone for me (W was initially outraged, thinking I'd ordered Calamari) — Wilson began to outline the many and manifold reasons why mid February would be the ideal time for a seaside holiday: how the beaches wouldn't be crowded, hotels would be cheap, parking would be easy and there wouldn't be crowds of noisy, ill-behaved children shouting 'Ooh — look at that anteater!' and pointing rudely at him.

Then he glanced back over both his shoulders, leaned forward conspiratorially and asked, 'New Dad, in that song Robert de Niro's Waiting — is he a waiter here? 'Cos I'd like his autograph if he is.'



13/02/2017

EATING ITALIAN

As soon as we'd ordered our food, I took a deep breath and prepared myself to raise the thorny topic of Wilson's illegal FlyPosting, but before I could speak he surprised me by raising one paw and saying, 'It's alright, New Dad, you don't have to say anything — I know why you've brought me here.'

I began to think this difficult discussion might be a lot easier than I'd feared, but before I could say another word, W continued: 'It's about the holiday you promised me before Xmas, isn't it? Our holiday in Weston Super Market!'



12/02/2017

CAR TALK

For the rest of the journey to the restaurant, Wilson chatted excitedly about the cars we'd just seen, extolling the special virtues of each one.

I expect he's imagining the sort of car he'd like to have when he gets older...


As we entered the restaurant, I straightened my back and steeled myself for the coming unpleasantness: NOTHING was going to stop me discussing W's illegal FlyPosting activities, and how they have to stop!


Wilson was cheerfully unaware of the coming confrontation, however, cheerfully humming Robert De Niro's Waiting, Talking Italian.