HOLIDAY CONFESSIONS

The whole family had so many questions about Wilson's holiday with Dennis that he assembled everyone in the living room to tell them about it.

First he said that he just missed the IoW Festival – he should have taken his tent – so no, sadly he did not see Rod Stewart. Or The Undertones. Nor Barry Gibb. (Unsurprising, as Barry Gibb was at Glastonbury, not IoW!)

Polly asked whether he'd happened to see any sign of Uncle Zoltan on Wight Island, and W said he had not. 

There followed a barrage of questions from his excited family. 

W held up his paw for silence and admitted that he'd spent the entire holiday indoors with Dennis watching old VHS tapes of County Cricket Matches on a black-and-white tv, while drinking Earl Grey tea with no milk... but with plenty of tea-leaves floating around in the cup. 

A shocked Antony asked, 'What – so you didn't go out at all? In the hottest week in living memory?'

'We went out just once,' W replied, adding, 'I've got a photo here somewhere...'