Wilson mentioned to me that running a 24/7 Live Radio Station takes up a lot more of his time than he'd expected, and that he may have to start recording programmes in advance, or even letting the older children run the station sometimes to give him a break.
I sympathised, then reminded him that it's only nine days until Ms Julia's wedding... and he went into Panic Mode. I hope he's got all his Best Man duties under control!
Not a word to Wilson, but I've sent Dave the Pig into the Studio on a Secret Mission: to covertly retrieve the New Scientist Metaphysics Special Edition and bring it to me, so I can hide it from W.
I don't like doing this, but it's the only way I can think of to avert another of Wilson's Existential Crises...
Wilson has started advertising his Speech Writing service Wedding Etc Speeches R Us on Radio W.
I must say, they sound brilliant — though he hasn't read out any actual samples, just described how witty, funny and generally entertaining the speeches are once you've bought one. Judging by how long he took writing his Best Man speech, I'd guess they're pretty brief, too!
Today marks the debut of his new religious slot on Radio W: The Hour Of Prayer — a Pastafarian programme of Prayers and Pasta. According to his American friends, religious shows can generate a LOT of income!
Wilson just sits in front of the microphone, wearing his official Pastafarian Hat of Office (a colander), and talks to his listeners about the Flying Spaghetti Monster. His monologues consist almost exclusively of him reading out pasta-with-ants recipes, and occasionally declaiming (in a revivalist-preacher sort of voice) 'I have been touched by his Noodly Appendage!'
I'd be surprised if he can really keep this up for a whole hour...
In other news, today's Chase Question is:
'Does God Exist?
A: Yes;
B: No;
C: It depends what you mean by "exist".'
I'm not sure this is a suitable question for a popular afternoon quiz show, and religion can be quite a contentious issue — but what do I know?
Wilson has decided that Wonderful Radio W is an ideal place to try out his multiple-choice questions before he submits them to The Chase — 'ideal' because his audience is probably a lot brighter than I am.
He's going to read out one question every day, and listeners can phone in with the answers.
Today's question is: 'How do you know you exist?
A: It's obvious — you think, therefore you are. What a stupid question;
B: You don't exist, you are in simulation — a computer game, probably a lot like 'Lemmings';
C: You can probably never know.
I think I know how far he's got in the New Scientist 'Metaphysics Special Edition' — I hope these deep questions don't trouble him so much that they spoil his Xmas.
On the plus side, though, there's been no sign of him recording his cover version of Slade's Happy Xmas Everybody...
During last night's 9.30 'Late, Late, LATE' show Wilson re-decorated his studio, with fresh posters and his brand new 'Station Ident.'
Then, while leaving a Peter Dawson LP playing he ran out to his 'Museum' and retrieved the Beatles and Adam Ant Tribute CDs he'd recorded a couple of years ago; these, he explained, are destined for Extra-Heavy Rotation.
He says that between playing records in the Graveyard Shift he has written his Best Man's Speech for Ms Julia's wedding, and it was much easier than he'd expected.
So easy, in fact, that he's starting a speech-writing service for Best Men, Bride's Fathers, Football Managers etc. Not Secretaries of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs of the United Kingdom, though — he doesn't want to get into any trouble and he's seen where an ill-considered word can lead...
Following a good night's sleep, Wilson is back at the mic and fresher than ever.
He confided to me that while he was sleeping, the Flying Spaghetti Monster spoke to him in a dream, telling him to record a cover version of Slade's Merry Xmas Everybody.
I will admit my heart sank a little bit at the prospect of the constant screech of, 'It's Chriiiiiiiiisss Massssss' — but the FSM assured W that the Performing Rights Society payments would bestow a comfortable future upon him, just as it had upon Mr N Holder.
Allegedly.
Antony has at last reappeared — he says he couldn't find Wilson's Good Ideas Notebook so he walked all the way into the village to buy him a new one at the Post Office.
That is devotion!
