24/09/2016

DISAPPOINTING NEWS

Wilson received a letter today from his friend Dennis on the Isle of Wight, declining his invitation to the Wildlife Petting Zoo and Anteater Experience.

W's disappointment was tempered by his excitement at hearing from Dennis again, and the fact that he appears to have his own electric typewriter for his correspondence — this seems to Wilson to be impossibly retro and grand!


He soon put his disappointment behind him, and he's gone out with Byron to put up some of his posters round the village.


He also asked me to send you a copy of the poster in case you'd like to print it out and stick it up around YOUR village — although for the life of me, I can't imagine why you would!




23/09/2016

GRAPHIC DESIGN

With the exception of the sTone Brothers, I think everyone is in the dining room 'helping' Wilson and Byron design the poster for the imminent Wildlife Petting Zoo and Anteater Experience

I've learned in the past that, when it comes to Graphic Design, everyone thinks they're an expert!


Uncle Zoltan is especially generous with his counsel, having once had a nest in a print shop — although by his own admission, that was in the days of hot metal printing!


Wilson is doing very well in holding his tongue in the face of so much unasked-for advice. 


This may be because he's relying on everyone to assist in the running of the Petting Zoo event, so he can't afford to hurt anyone's feelings with a harsh word...



21/09/2016

TEST PHOTO

Wilson has written to Dennis, the Giant Anteater he met on the Isle of Wight, inviting him over to stay for the duration of Uckfield Wildlife Petting Zoo and Anteater Experience. 

He says that Dennis could sleep in the tumble dryer, as there's really not room for three in the washing machine, and in any case an anteater of Dennis' eminence should never be expected to share. 

Once he'd posted the letter he asked me into the garden so he could show Byron how to work the Polaroid camera on the Photo Opportunity Board. 


To encourage me to smile, Tiny Toy stood in front of the board telling me jokes, such as, 'Um, what's made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones? A Trumpet! Oh, no... wait a minute — a Trombone!'


It may have been only a test shoot, but I was still expected to pay the full price! The photo isn't too bad, I suppose; only half my head is cut off. 


Wilson explained this was just a 'teething problem' until Byron learned to stop the camera going off unexpectedly. 


But he didn't offer me a refund.


19/09/2016

RESTLESS NIGHT

I don't know how much sleep either of the boys got last night — they went to bed (in the washing machine — the tumble dryer isn't really large enough to accommodate two) quite early but I could hear them whispering and giggling for most of the night as they formulated plans for the Uckfield Wildlife Petting Zoo and Anteater Experience.

To make matters worse, every hour or so Wilson would pop up to my room, stick his nose right in my ear and whisper loudly, 'New Dad! Are you awake?'


Once I'd been shocked into full wakefulness, he'd ask, 'Did I wake you? Well never mind, because we've just thought of...' and he'd tell me the newest money-making attraction for the Petting Zoo he and Byron had just thought up.


No sooner had I fallen back into a troubled sleep he'd be back, to regale me with another idea.


This was made even more difficult as, once it had passed midnight, all his ideas were expressed in Piratese, what with it being International Talk Like a Pirate Day...



18/09/2016

PHOTO OPPORTUNITY

Last night Wilson outlined his 'Primo New Idea' which is to supersede his failed Tomato Farm: The Uckfield Wildlife Petting Zoo and Anteater Experience.

This will apparently involve opening the garden to the public, who will be exposed to a number of Wild Animals and other money-relieving attractions.


I voiced some serious concerns about having wild animals in the garden, but W dismissed them out of hand saying that I was altogether too timorous where his money-making schemes were concerned.


Anyway, he and Byron are in the garden today — Byron is posing while Wilson paints his full-length portrait on a big piece of board. 


I don't really know what it's for, but he's making a pretty good job of it, and it's keeping them both out of mischief, so really, apart from a bit of paint on the grass, what's the harm?


What's the worst that could happen?


______________


Wilson has asked me to remind you all that tomorrow is International Talk Like a Pirate Day — you might want to keep your Pirate Translation App handy!