Once we had established that TT was still alive, Wilson demanded to be sprayed with Lion Repellent before the escaped killer invaded the hotel, took the lift to our floor, broke into our room and killed us all.
I removed a can of deodorant from the bathroom and showed it to W. He regarded it suspiciously, then announced, 'That's RightGuard — it's a deodorant!'
'Ah!' I replied, 'That's what it LOOKS like — Lion Repellent is packaged like that to avoid panic when a lion escapes. Look closely, and you can see that the last number on the barcode is a 6 — that's the special code so that Mums and Dads know it's the SPECIAL spray without worrying their children!'
I sprayed Wilson lightly all over with the RightGuard (and I must say, he did smell a bit better after that) then gave Antony a light coat before finally treating the prone figure of TT.
Lastly Wilson gave me a good squirt, saying, 'You just can't be too careful where escaped man-eating giant cats are concerned, New Dad — if you got eaten, I'd be an orphan!'
Wilson was so concerned about the escaped lion that we skipped our usual drink in the bar and sprinted straight up to our room, where I'd told him I had a can of Lion Repellent which I'd packed for this very eventuality.
As we entered the room, however, we beheld a scene of devastation! It looked as though it had been occupied by a Rock Band from the 60s. It had been trashed... though in quite a modest way, since on closer examination it became clear that only the bed was affected.
In the middle of the mattress lay Tiny Toy, flat on his back, snoring loudly and drooling, surrounded by the entire contents of the Mini Bar. Mostly empty.
Wilson had left him in the Mini Bar fridge to keep him cool during the heatwave, but it appeared that he'd not only escaped but drunk the fridge dry!
TT has proven himself very resourceful in the past — he must NEVER learn about Room Service...
Over dinner at a country pub, I asked Wilson what he'd like to do tomorrow — he said he'd like to visit 'Port Wen.'
'Port Wen' is actually the fictional village where the tv series Doc Martin is set, but there is a real village, Port Isaac, where the programmes are filmed.
It is Wilson's dream to turn up during filming, be spotted by the Director and offered a starring role, possibly as Doc Martin's Locum but failing that as a holiday maker with an exotic disease. Or food poisoning.
However his real aim is to meet the co-star of the show, Caroline Katz — he hopes to take a couple of selfies with her before proposing marriage.
A major flaw with this plan is that Ms Katz is already happily married. Also she is quite a lot older than Wilson, but he won't hear a word spoken against his scheme, although I fear it will end in tears...
Driving back to the hotel we heard a News Bulletin reporting that there is an escaped lion at large in Cornwall. Wilson immediately activated the car's Central Locking and began staring nervously out the windows.
I shall have to think of something good and reassuring before we get back!
Hello, we are The Bees, Polly and Billi, and this is our Guest Blog!
Recently the shambolic British Government finally got something right when they voted to reject a plan for the 'emergency use' of some banned pesticides that kill bees! It would certainly have been an 'emergency' for us bees, we can tell you!
To celebrate, we're throwing a party — it's by the lavender patch round the side of the house, and all bees are welcome! We've provided some Nibbles — honey and Royal Jelly — and there's a dripping tap nearby full of clean, fresh water!
If you know any bees, please tell them to get round to Wilson's New Dad's house straight away!
So, we've been the bees and we'll see you next month. Until then, BEEEEEEE GOOD!
Oh look, here comes the first of our guests!
#savethebees
Wilson wanted to take a closer look at the surf pounding on the beach so, removing his Wellington Boots from his ManBag (which I had been carrying, obviously — that's why it's not called an AnteaterBag) he pulled them on and carefully picked his way over the rocks.
A few moments later he returned to get his crabbing net as he'd seen some 'well weird creatures' in the rock pools and wanted to investigate without having to actually touch them or get his paws wet.
Before setting off with his net, he rested his Board on the rocks and sat Antony on it so he could pretend to surf.
This was almost too much for the little guy, and I shall definitely have to pop him into the Brown Paper Bag of Serenity soon, to calm him down!
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The Bees have asked me to remind you that it will be their turn to blog tomorrow, and to celebrate some recent bee-related legislation they're holding a party in the garden, next to the lavender.
They say that if you know any bees, please tell them they'll all be welcome at the party — drinks and nibbles will bee provided!
