TOMATOES ARE THE WAY FORWARD

For reasons which I can't even begin to comprehend, Wilson has decided that what he 'needs' to do, 'immediately' is grow some tomato plants.

Consequently I was whisked off the the local Garden Centre to buy some tomato seedlings. 

We bought what seemed to me an excessive number of plants, but W insisted that he knew what he was doing, and this was the optimum number to meet our forthcoming tomato needs.

On the drive home, he mentioned that what would be the perfect addition to his 'tomato farm' would be a pet piglet. This would apparently supply all the tomatoes' compost needs, in addition to keeping down their natural predators...

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Very sorry there was no post yesterday, due to a major computer crisis. :(

BIT OF A PROBLEM!

Due to a major computer failure, I can't post any 'Ant Wars 2' updates for the moment. ☹️

Don't worry, Wilson is fine (although he blames me for the Computer Crisis. Obviously) and we'll be back on-line as soon as possible.

THE CALMING POWER OF CAKE

We retired to the farm café where I attempted to calm Wilson down with a cup of strong coffee and a Belgian Bun. 

He sat quietly for a while, absently sprinkling ants over his food, before asking me, 'Do you think it was like that when I was born, New Dad?'

I told him it probably was. He thought for a few minutes, then said, 'I thought I knew all about being born, because I helped my Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, with all her babies after me — but it wasn't all yucky like that!'

'How did you help her?' I asked.

'Well, he replied, ' I sat in the kitchen doing some colouring-in and keeping out of the way, while my Big Sister, Andrea, ran about with towels and hot water. And told me not to worry. Or go into the bedroom...' 

He drifted into silence.

'Is that what was happening in the bedroom?' he asked. I nodded.

'Eeeuw!' he exclaimed. 

But then, with the resilience I have come to expect from anteaters, he tucked into his bun and drained his coffee cup.

Smacking his lips and dusting crumbs out of his fur, he asked me one last question: 'So, what do you think about a pet pig? He'd be adorable, and I'd walk him and clean him and feed him and everything!'

I told him I'd think about it.

I think we all know what that means...

BIRTH TRAUMA

Just after Wilson had finished feeding the baby piglet, we heard a commotion coming from the next shed.

Hurrying out to see what was going on, we arrived in time to see a ewe in the very late stages of labour. There was a lot of frenzied bleating, and then a baby lamb popped out into the straw!

I turned to see what Wilson had made of The Miracle of Birth, but he had collapsed onto the floor in a dead faint.

I made him as comfortable as I could, and the shepherd kindly ran off to the café to bring him some water and see if he could find any ants in the yard.

As W began to come round, he started humming Broken, Beat and Scarred from Metallica's Death Magnetic album. This was the very music his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, had played as Wilson's Birthing Music. Also, his Conceiving music, as it happens — she only had two records, and Death Magnetic was her favourite.

This makes me think that W is experiencing some sort of Rebirthing Trauma. 

I hope I don't have to take him to see his psychiatrist again — he's quite expensive.

BEES' BLOG

Hello, we are Polly and Billi The Bees, and this is our Guest Blog!

Well, what do you think of our new 'set'? We thought it was time, since we have such important messages, to increase our professionalism, so we bought some Banner Displays to stand in front of, just like Politicians! And Police Chiefs!

This month, our message concerns Dandelions!

Dandelions are one of the first Spring foods for bees! Dandelions are native to all temperate areas of the planet, providing nectar and pollen as early warmer temperatures awaken bees — where else can a hungry bee find an early meal in the Spring, when nothing else is blooming?

Also, dandelions are very pretty and a cheerful colour — don't think of them as 'weeds' but as wildflowers that are easy to grow. If they were difficult to grow, you'd ALL be trying to cultivate them!

We'll see you again next month — until then BEEEEEEEEE GOOD!