Wilson sat on the sofa and cleared his throat nervously. Antony nodded to him encouragingly and he began:
'Okay,' he said, 'There was this insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic man. Or woman. Person — it doesn't really matter.'
He paused to giggle to himself for a moment, then continued, 'He lay awake all night wondering...' he snorted with suppressed laughter, 'if there really was a god!'
Antony nudged him and whispered something urgently in his ear, and his face fell.
'D'oh!' he exclaimed, 'I got the punchline wrong; he wondered whether there was really a DOG! He was Dyslexic, you see...'
I laughed enthusiastically.
A lot.
Everyone seemed satisfied, though Wilson appeared to be a little bit down, and later asked me what I'd thought of his joke.
I said it was indeed brilliant, but suggested it might help if in future he wrote his jokes down just in case he forgot any important bits in the excitement of telling...
As I finished my breakfast this morning, Wilson came in and asked me what the word was that meant a person who couldn't sleep.
I suggested Insomniac was probably the word he was searching for; he nodded happily and went back into the living room.
A few minutes later he was back, asking about the word for somebody who couldn't decide whether god was real or not. He accepted my suggestion of Agnostic and left.
I was washing up the breakfast things when he reappeared to ask what you called someone who couldn't spell, and I asked if he was thinking of Dyslexic. He repeated the word to himself and ran off.
After an hour or so he asked me to come into the living room, as he had a brilliant joke to tell me.
Wilson is notoriously bad at telling jokes, so it was with some apprehension that I followed him, preparing a delighted and amused expression in readiness.
Wilson eventually judged it safe to leave his refuge in 'The Museum', but spent the night in my room 'for safety'.
He made many remarks about 'dark forces' and 'the criminal underworld' and even mentioned the Hornet Mafia. I had no idea that was even a thing, but W explained that was because of the Code of Omertà , which swears all Mafia Hornets to silence.
It seems there is so much I don't know!
Anyway, after breakfast this morning he showed me an interesting article he'd found in The Guardian, saying that people should shower a maximum of once a week.
He was worried that I was damaging my health by over-showering, and recommended that I start showering only weekly, as an interim step to following his regime of never showering at all.
Or even washing, come to that!
Here's the link, if you're interested: http://tinyurl.com/o3rjlvp
It was with some trepidation that Sgt. Lucas (Antony) and Inspector Janvier (Tiny Toy) returned Uncle Zoltan's soaking-wet hat to him at his hive.
Uncle Z set his topper aside to dry, then read the note that Wilson had sent with the hat... before screwing it up and grinding it under one of his back tarsals.
After popping inside the hive for a moment, he returned with two slices of Wilson's favourite cakes, which he handed to the toys as a reward.
Then he raised and waggled one of his tarsal pads, admonishing them, 'This cake is for YOU BOYS, it's not for that... anteater!'
The toys nodded in silent agreement, before he added, 'You heed my words, young 'uns: if you want to grow into Happy Members of Society, you'll give that anteater a wide berth. He'll only lead you astray!'
Antony and TT made off with their slices of cake, but Uncle Zoltan called after them: 'That anteater's the reason my hat's soaking wet, isn't it? Eh? You can tell me!'
Wilson was taken by surprise by Mad Uncle Zoltans reaction to his April Fools Day joke. I know we're not supposed to call him 'mad' any more, but right now he is, as the saying goes, As Mad As A Hornet!
W took shelter in the "Wilson Vermilingua Museum of Old Stuff and a Robot" with the lights off and his Maigret hat pulled down over his eyes, in the fervent hope that Uncle Z would not find him.
After a few hours, during which time he had not eaten, Wilson grew desperate and stuck his nose outside to see whether the coast was clear... and saw Uncle Z's hat floating in the fish pond!
He's sent Sgt. Lucas (Antony) and Inspector Janvier (Tiny Toy) round to Uncle Z's hive to return it, along with a note explaining that it had been recovered only by the diligent application of Police Investigative Methods.
