I usually snap Wilson out of these episodes by suggesting we go away on a holiday, but at the moment our holiday fund has been dangerously depleted by the unexpected purchase of his very expensive telescope. Right now, in fact, we could barely afford an afternoon in Seaford, although I would dearly love to have a vacation soon!
At the moment he's just finished fixing another of his PeTA posters to the dining room wall. When I asked him if all these posters were resulting in holes in the wall, and whether BluTack wouldn't be better than nails, he deftly changed the subject by announcing that towards the end of FURbruary he intends to produce his own naked anti-fur poster...
I demanded an immediate, cast-iron assurance that I would not be featured in this poster.
He told me that rather depended on how the F1 Coffee Machine went...
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Today's FURbruary Task Suggestion: Snuggle with a Snake!
Several of Wilson's friends have been in touch to say they've had similar dreams to mine — they all involved Formula 1 racing cars, and on waking they all had a desire to watch some Formula 1 racing while drinking coffee!
I'm afraid Wilson has fallen prey to another of his Idée Fixe — an obsession to, in this case, acquire an £8000 coffee machine in the form of a V8 racing engine.
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Today's FURbruary Task Suggestion: Treasure a Tamandua!
After lunch today I dozed off in the living room, and had the strangest dream!
I dreamed that Lewis Hamilton had parked his Formula 1 racing car outside the house and was pouring me a coffee from the exhaust pipe!
Awaking with a start, I found Wilson staring intently at me! We locked eyes, and I couldn't seem to look away...
I think he's practicing his old 'mind control' thing again, to persuade me to spend £8000 on a new 'V8-style' coffee machine for him.
That clearly isn't going to happen, but if you take my advice, I'd try to avoid looking too deeply into his eyes today.
Not around the eyes... into the eyes... d e e p into the eyes...
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Today's FURbruary Task Suggestion: Caress a Cow!
By the time we got home from our kite-flying adventure it was quite late, and Wilson went straight to bed.
First thing this morning, though, he printed out his Valentine Card, his Valentine Messages, and a picture of the new coffee machine he wants me to buy for him.
It looks exactly like a V8 Racing Engine... and costs almost as much! It's £8000 plus delivery!
He says that since I am an animal too, and as such included in FURbruary, he has a BRILLIANT surprise planned for me too... so at least I shall feel maximum guilt when the coffee machine doesn't happen!
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Today's FURbruary Task Suggestion: Be Lovely to a Llama!
As dusk fell it grew quite chilly, so Wilson and I repaired to a nearby pub for a hot drink and something to eat.
While I was ordering at the Bar, I heard W shout 'YESSSSS!!!' and I turned just in time to see him punching the air.
Hurrying back to our table, I asked him what had occurred.
He waved his phone towards me and said, 'I just checked my email, and I've had a Valentines e-card and THREE Valentine messages! ALL from people I'm NOT RELATED TO!'
Once he'd calmed down and our food had arrived we got to chatting, and I asked him about yesterday's FURbruary Task Suggestion, 'Buy your Anteater a new Luxury Coffee Machine!'
'Oh yes,' he replied, 'I've been meaning to talk to you about that. I'm a bit tired of our old coffee machine — I'd like something with a bit more Va-Va-Voom!'
'Va-Va-Voom?' I asked, 'All it's got to do is make coffee!' but he insisted he'd found just the perfect machine, and he'd show it to me as soon as we got home.
And I was sitting down.
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Today's FURbruary Task Suggestion: Welcome a Wasp!
St Valentine's Day is Wilson's least-favourite day of the year, emphasising as it does his lack of a girlfriend.
Yesterday one card arrived in the post for him, signed anonymously from his 'Secret Admirer'. He is convinced this is from his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, and calls it his annual 'pity card'.
To distract him from this, and from yesterday's disappointing news about his New Planet, I took him up onto the South Downs — just the two of us, with his kite and a picnic — hoping this would blow away the cobwebs and raise his spirits.
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Today's FURbruary Task Suggestion: Buy your Anteater a new Luxury Coffee Machine!
