06/02/2016

CHANNELING SIR PATRICK MOORE

Wilson stayed up late last night to watch the Celebrity Big Brother Final.

The outcome was not altogether satisfactory — I had been supporting Darren Day, since he seemed like a thoroughly good person, while W had been behind Stephanie, because she reminded him of a younger version of his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua: Fickle, Needy and Polyamorous. Especially Polyamorous.


But in spite of his late night he was up bright and early this morning, and I found him in the garden carrying around the parts of an enormous (and VERY expensive-looking) telescope. So that's what was in yesterday's mysterious parcel!


Before he dropped any of it, I asked whether he'd like some help setting it up.
He replied that he didn't think I'd be up to it because it was, as he explained, 'Very technical, and harder to assemble than an IKEA chest of drawers,' but if I wasn't doing anything else perhaps I could help with some of the heavy lifting.


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Today's FURbruary Task Suggestion: Be Nice to a Newt!



05/02/2016

A MYSTERIOUS PARCEL ARRIVES

Early this morning the postman staggered up the drive carrying an ENORMOUS parcel. Addressed to Wilson, obviously!

W was tight-lipped about what was inside, saying that I would probably love it, but I'd have to wait and see what it was. 


Accordingly, once I'd helped him carry it into the dining room, he shooed me away so he could open it in (relative) privacy.


I suppose I could check my VISA statement on-line to see what the package contains, but I expect I'll find out soon enough. 


The box didn't have any air holes, so it's probably not live ants, which is something!


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Today's FURbruary Task Suggestion: Adore an Axolotl... or an Aardvark



04/02/2016

EQUAL RIGHTS FOR BEES

Wilson's research into the source of Faux Fur is being disturbed by The Bees who, following their brilliant launch of FURbruary, are insisting that they should have their own month.

They want to call it BEEcember.


Wilson has told them that a Bee Month would be 'Entirely inappropriate,' and in any case, as they're perfectly well aware, there is already a Bee Day in August. 


The Bees were quite cross about his attitude so he (wisely, I think) refrained from making any jokes about Bidets.


'Whatever next?' he grumbled (once the Bees were safely out of earshot). 'Goldfish Day? Adopted Ladybirds Day? Talking Stones Day?'


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Today's FURbruary Task Suggestion: Tickle a Tarantula!




03/02/2016

FAUX FUR

Today's planned post was predicated upon a misunderstanding — Wilson had intended to rail against the evils of Faux Fur... believing that it was cruelly obtained from a very cute animal called a 'Faux'. 

Now he's doing some research to see whether or not I'm right in my assertion that it means 'False' and is a just another term for Fun Fur.


'There's nothing Fun about Fur, New Dad!' he exclaimed righteously when I first tried to explain, but I think he's starting to think I might be right about this.


Lest you think that the dining room is filled with apparently naked supermodels, I should explain that this is just a poster Wilson has stuck up on the wall for the duration of his Awareness Month.


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Today's FURbruary Task Suggestion: Delight a Donkey!
 


02/02/2016

HEDGEHOG DAY

First thing this morning, even before he'd had his breakfast, Wilson gathered Polly and Billi the Bees in the living room to thank them for their launch of FURbruary.

'You both did better than I'd expected!' he told them. 'MUCH better! In fact, tbh I didn't think you were up to it, but you have proved me wrong — I thank you!' He hugged them both. 


I thought they took this very mixed endorsement pretty well, although Billi did bristle a bit at the 'I didn't think you were up to it' bit.


'By a happy coincidence,' he continued, 'today is Hedgehog Day, so I would urge and encourage everyone who can to Hug* A Hedgehog!'


To help you in your hedgehog-related celebrations, here is the Hedgehog Day website:
https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/hedgehog-day/


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*Wilson Vermilingua wishes to point out that this is only a Hugging Suggestion and he cannot be held responsible for any hugging-related injuries.



01/02/2016

THE FIRST OF FURBRUARY!

THE BEES' BLOG

Hello, we are Polly and Billi the Bees, and this is our Guest Blog!


Today we'd like to welcome you to FURbruary, the Awareness Month that our friend Wilson has invented. 


FURbruary is to encourage everyone to be nice to everyone else, though specially to persuade Humans be nice to Animals — not JUST furry ones, but ALL animals. 


Being nice to animals doesn't just mean stroking them, it also means not killing them to eat them, not killing them because you enjoy killing things and not killing them with pesticides that are poisonous to bees!


Wilson has worked VERY hard on this project, so we'd all be immensely happy if you supported him in this great humanitarian venture!


We've been The Bees, and we'll see you next month — until then, Beeeeeeeee Kind to Animals!



31/01/2016

LAST-MINUTE PREPARATIONS

Polly sat quietly with Wilson, calmly reassuring him until he was once again more-or-less his old self.

After half an hour or so, he announced that he'd better knuckle down to make some last-minute preparations for Furbruary — he's a bit apprehensive because it's The Bees' Blog tomorrow, and he hopes he can trust them to launch his awareness month properly. Not that he mentioned his concerns to Polly, of course.


Before he started, though, he told us both, 'I'd really rather this news about Killer Anteaters didn't go any further — I don't want my friends looking askance at me. I'm a lover, not a fighter.'


He thought for a moment, before adding, 'Or I would be. If I had a girlfriend...'