FIRST AID

Wilson came down from the footplate rubbing his nose and complaining that he'd singed his sniffer while examining the stoke hole.

'It's not a serious injury, New Dad,' he told me, 'I think if some ice-cream were applied to the scorched area, that might bring some relief.'

A 99 Flake was duly administered and we got on the train (or entrained, or possibly even re-entrained) to return to the main station.

The journey back was a somber affair, what with W's trauma and with Antony and TT constantly complaining that their noses were sore too. 

Wilson relented and the children helped him finish off his ice cream, as he explained to them that nobody knows why they're called 99s, but they just are!

One of his favourite jokes is: when I buy a cone for the two of us and ask for 'Two 99s, please,' he ALWAYS shouts, '198! Hahahahaha!'

Oh, simple pleasures…

FOOTPLATE ADVENTURE

As it happens we did find a loo on the train — but by then both TT and Antony said they'd changed their minds, and Wilson thought he wouldn't be able to go if the train was moving, so we made our way back to our seats.

By the time we'd settled down, however, the train was stopping in a station, so we 'de-trained' (as W insists on calling it) onto the platform to have a look around.

The Engine Driver asked Wilson if he'd like to go up onto the footplate to see how the engine worked. W first made him promise not to sound the whistle unexpectedly, and having gained his assurance thrust Antony and TT into my hands and climbed up to join the Driver and the Fireman…

HIGH-SPEED RAIL

Once we'd found a satisfactory seat that wasn't too close to the engine [ie the whistle!] the train set off almost at once. 

Soon we picked up speed and as we rattled through the countryside, Antony asked, 'How fast are we going?' 

Before I could give my opinion (which was about 30mph) Wilson had answered, 'About a Million Miles a Minute!'

Antony and TT gasped, 'Oooooohhh!' in unison, quietly repeating the figure to each other.
Then Tiny Toy announced that he needed the bathroom.

Antony backed him up, saying so did he, 'Really badly!' before Wilson added that perhaps he should have gone before he got on the train too.

Wilson I can forgive… but Antony? Tiny Toy? They're both stuffed toys — can they really need to go?

Whatever, we all set off to investigate whether there was a loo on the train…

DEMOCRACY IN ACTION

There is so much to see and do at the Isle of Wight Steam Railway that we couldn't agree on what to do first, so we took a vote in the form of a Show Of Paws. 

I abstained, on the grounds that this was really Wilson's holiday, and also the first day that Antony and TT had been allowed out of the hotel, so I thought it best to let them choose amongst themselves.

In a close vote, Wilson (Restaurant Party) was narrowly defeated by Antony and TT (Ride On A Train Party) so we went onto the platform to have a look at the locomotive which would be transporting us, so to speak, back in time.

Wilson and the boys were standing at the edge of the platform looking at the engine when the train whistle blew, loudly and unexpectedly — poor W nearly jumped out of his fur, and scurried over to the far side of the platform, explaining that the children were scared.

'No we're not!' shouted Antony, while Tiny Toy called to the engine driver, 'Do it again! Do it again!'

W quickly recovered his composure and we walked along the carriages looking for a good seat.

Wilson said he'd like to sit somewhere 'Not too near the whistle. Um, I mean the engine. Not too near the engine. I wonder whether there's a Buffet Car?'

ADVANCE WARNING

Due to circumstances beyond Wilson's and my control, tomorrow's Ant Wars 2 Blog post will be delayed.
Just don't assume we've fallen onto the railway tracks or anything — we'll be back on Wednesday!

A BIT OF A SCENE

So we all sat on the bed back at the hotel and watched Doctor Who. It was a disaster… it was the most paralysingly scary episode since Richard Wilson asked, 'Are you my Mummy?' back in the utterly petrifying 'Empty Child' episode!

Everyone was terrified. Everyone slept in my bed. With the lights on. Even I was a bit scared, but poor Wilson — not only was the story set underwater, it was about ghosts who only come out in the dark, so it really pressed all his buttons!

I finally dropped off at about 2am, but I was awoken a couple of hours later by Antony and Tiny Toy playing Tag. They seemed to have put their fear behind them, and were now totally overexcited about going to see the Steam Railway.

At the station there was a little bit of a scene when I bought the tickets. I wasn't going to say anything, but Wilson noticed the Admission Charges listed 

     CHILDREN: FREE
    
     DOGS:       £3

If there's one thing certain to wind him up, it's people thinking he's a dog; but when they try to charge him EXTRA for being a dog...

GUINNESS

Over dinner I asked Wilson whether it mightn't be possible for Antony and TT to actually come with us tomorrow, instead of being shut in the hotel all day and night.

W considered deeply, then asked where we would be going and how dangerous it would be. 

I told him I'd thought we could go to see the Steam Railway and then on to a very old Mill, and I considered both destinations to represent the consummate embodiment of Health and Safety. 

After a few minutes further contemplation, he agreed that they might accompany us as long as they both behaved responsibly. 

Wilson ordered a Guinness with his meal tonight. He finds it too bitter, so as usual he also ordered a Pimms to take the taste of the Guinness away.

Just before dessert arrived he received an email from the bees saying they won't be sending any more photos of the kitchen. They think it would be better if it came as a 'Lovely surprise' to him when he got home, and something to look forward to when his holiday was over.

Then we returned to the hotel to watch Doctor Who...