KIDDY RIDES

The Main Event rides are at the end of the pier, so Wilson has decided to prepare himself for them by going on a few of the tamer rides first.

When my own children were using these, a ride used to cost 10p — now they're £1 a throw! Wilson loves them, and I don't begrudge him the ride, but it does seem awfully expensive nowadays.

But then, what doesn't…

SUNSHINE AND FRESH AIR

Out in the sunshine Wilson posed for a photograph by the railings, perhaps to demonstrate his blasé and nonchalant attitude to water. I noted that he chose to position himself in close proximity to a life belt, but I can't criticise him for that! 

Actually, I think he was less concerned by the sea than by a nearby seagull which was, he said, 'Looking at me funny!'

W has long had a love/hate relationship with seagulls. Like all birds he regards them with suspicion, referring to them as 'tiny dinosaurs' — but he's always had a fantasy of having a pet seagull who would, apparently, sit on his shoulder and watch tv with him in the evenings, and have long philosophical discussions with him in a way of which I am seemingly incapable.

I think he's been watching too many of those Hastings Direct insurance ads on the telly, and that the reality of a pet seagull would be VERY different from his dream…
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You are warmly invited to join the Wilson Vermilingua Appreciation Society, entirely free, at:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/wilsonvermilinguaappreciation/

AIR HOCKEY CHALLENGE

Before we reached the exit from the Amusement Arcade Wilson's eye was caught by an Air Hockey table. 

In the Games Room of our cruise ship a couple of years ago we'd played Air Hockey nearly every evening, and W had consistently beaten me. Now he told me he just wanted to be certain he hadn't lost his touch, so he challenged me to 'Just one game, New Dad?'

He beat me soundly, and generously offered me Best Of Three. Followed by Best Of Five and eventually Best Of Eleven! 

Since he had now thrashed me five times straight, I thought it was time I conceded ultimate defeat so we could move on before the day was gone… 

A SMALL INVESTMENT

The entrance to the pier was, inevitably, through an amusement arcade, and Wilson stopped off briefly to invest* a couple of pounds in a high-win fruit machine. 

I have few concerns about him ever becoming addicted to gambling, as he's far too cautious, parsimonious even, about parting with money.

Once his small-change had disappeared forever into the bowels of the machine and he had determined that it was, as he told me, 'Fixed!' and 'A total Gyp!' we headed off to the pier head, where the rides and recreations are to be found! 

*lose

FUN ON THE PIER

Straight after breakfast we jumped into the car and set off for the pier — Wilson loves piers, and I hear this is a good one, with loads of rides and things to do that he'll enjoy.

Gulls wheeled and cried overhead in the clear blue sky as we approached the pier entrance, but W pulled me to one side.

In spite of having eaten (a very substantial) breakfast less than an hour before, W insisted that he needed to be further fortified by a cone of chips and a 99 ice cream before venturing onto the pier.

As he ate, he kept pointing at the big fibreglass model cow in front of the kiosk and laughing, '"Cow You Cannot Milk" New Dad! "Cow You Cannot Milk"!'

HOTEL SWIMMING POOL

Before going in to breakfast this morning, I took Wilson along to see the hotel's heated swimming pool. 

i thought that after his recent bravery regarding water he might consent to have a little splash in the shallow end, or just sit on the side with his back paws dangling in the water.

It was not to be — although he said he was happy to wait while I swam, (or 'tried not to drown' as he put it) so long as I didn't splash him. 

It's not so much fun swimming on your own, so we both went along to the dining room.

Over breakfast he told me that, since he'd had courageously undertaken such hazardous experiences yesterday, he was very glad he'd left Antony and TT safely in our room. Today, though, in response to their heartfelt pleas, he would sit them on the windowsill so they could look out at the garden... instead of shutting them in a drawer as he usually did.

Today we're going to Ryde Pier, and if there's time afterwards I thought we might try to fit in Blackgang Chine.

DOCTOR WHO [SPOILER ALERT!]

We got back to the hotel, ran up to our room, said a brief Hello to Antony and TT and settled down in front of the tv, just in time for the Dr Who opening titles.

For the first few minutes everything went well, the only interruptions being the constant chant of 'What's happened?' from Tiny Toy.

Then, following the Snake Man transformation scene and the appearance of the Daleks, Antony started crying — which set TT off as well — and they both had to be comforted.

The last straw, though, was when Clara (who Wilson secretly fancies) was killed by the Daleks.

It took the entire contents of the mini-bar, including the nuts, to calm him down…