It's quiet here…

It is SO QUIET without Wilson running about, getting into mischief and inventing things. His little tumble-dryer bedroom looks so empty.

I'm really missing the little guy.

I hope he's alright…

Tearful farewell

I suffered a brief moment of panic when I couldn't find Wilson this morning, but he was in the garden saying goodbye to the sTone Brothers — he hasn't run away from home and he has accepted his fate. 

He's got a lot less packing with him than when he goes on holiday — in fact it's all fitted inside his "Hi Wilson!"™ Gym Bag. He's taking his Tiny Clanger knitting pattern and some wool, in case there's anyone at the Camp who can help him with his casting-on. 

He'd also packed his iPad 'just in case!' but I confiscated that.

After a tearful farewell to everyone we set off for the Digital Detox Camp.

Once I'd settled him in and helped him unpack I kissed him goodbye and promised him that if he got a good report we'd go on holiday together somewhere nice as soon as he returned home. 

Tough Love

I've made up my mind: Wilson is going on a Digital Detox! It's at a lovely house in the country and lasts for round about a week, depending on the progress he makes.

To say he is not happy about this would be an understatement — he's in the garden at the moment eating what he describes as his 'last meal' before running away from home.

All his friends are out with him trying to persuade him not to leave. Even Uncle Zoltan has rocked up to advise that life on the road is not all it's cracked up to be, and to tell W that if he's expecting to get by on Public Free Wi-Fi he can forget it.

We set off for DD Camp tomorrow. 

If he hasn't left home by then…

The Facts Of Life Part Deux

Bees' Guest Blog

Polly: 'I've found a photo of myself dressed as a princess just before the Queen Bee Selection Battle commenced. Billi didn't take part in this, because she was picketing against Bee Beauty Pageants at the time — she turned up in denim and carrying a placard… and I think that was when I first fell for her. She was such a rebel! Still is!'

The two bees smiled fondly at each other before Polly continued.

'Anyway, so after the big Princess Fight the last bee standing, which wasn't me, obviously, was crowned Queen. That evening she went on a date with the most handsomest boy bee of her choice, and some time later she put some eggs in her special "Queen Cups" — it's very romantic!'

Billi: 'So, now you know all about Bees — next month we'll tell you about The Birds!'

Polly: 'Yes, we'll see you next month with more interesting and educational facts from…' 

Both, in unison: 'The Bees!'

Knitting Therapy

Wilson took the knitting pattern from me, and asked where I'd got it.

'One of your friends, who is extremely concerned about you, emailed it to me to give to you, and I printed it out,' I replied.

'Exactly!' he exclaimed, 'Yet you would deprive me of this educational resource! This opportunity to keep in touch with my friends! This 21st Century Boon to All Mankind!'

I tried to explain that I didn't want to deprive him of the internet, but that I thought that his attachment to it was becoming... obsessive.

Once he'd assembled his balls of knitting wool, he called me into the living room and told me he thought I'd downloaded the pattern in the wrong language. 

He read a passage aloud to me: 'Cast on 6 sts. Row 1 (RS): Knit. Row 2: Purl. Repeat last two rows once more. Row 5: K1, m1, k to last st, m1, k1. (8 sts).'

I had to admit that I didn't understand it either, although the odd word here and there was in English.

'Wasn't the pattern for Colin The Knitted Camel like this?' I asked.

'I didn't have a pattern for Colin.' he said, 'I made him up as I went along!'

In retrospect, that does explain a lot about Colin…

If you'd like to knit your own Tiny Clanger, the pattern is here: 

http://www.radiotimes.com/news/2015-06-09/knit-your-own-tiny-clanger

Online again

Yesterday I hid the iPad in my most secret hiding place. It's the place where I hide Wilson's Xmas and birthday presents and all those 'grown-up' magazines I don't want him to see: science journals with articles about Reality, Consciousness etc. Also, just to be on the safe side, I turned off the Wi-Fi router.

This morning I found Wilson sitting in the living room browsing his email on the iPad!

'How did you get that?' I asked him.

'Oh, good morning, New Dad — I found it in that place where you hide all that stuff you don't want me to see!' he replied cheerfully.

'And the Wi-Fi?'

'I know all the neighbours' passwords. Did you know that some of the neighbours are getting much faster connections than we are? You should think about switching suppliers!'

Yesterday I'd told him I had something to distract him from his on-line virtual life, and today I gave it to him: it's a knitting pattern to make Tiny Clanger. 

He loves The Clangers so I hope this will give him something to do with his paws and keep him out of trouble.

Dead-Heading Roses

This morning I asked Wilson to give me a hand with dead-heading the roses He usually enjoys this, due to the number of ants he catches unawares in the rose bushes, but this time I had an ulterior motive: I thought it would be a chance for me to have a man-to-man chat with him. Man-to-anteater.

By the time I'd fetched my secateurs, however, I found him engrossed on his iPad, so I sat down with him straightaway to have a chat.

He reluctantly admitted that he might possibly have a bit of a problem, saying that he had to constantly check Twitter and email, day and night, to make sure he stayed in touch with all his friends and be certain he wasn't missing anything.

I told him I thought I had just the thing to take his mind off that, then we got on with the gardening together — me deadheading, he taking care of the ants. 

But not before I'd taken the iPad and hidden it in the house.