Chiropody

Once we reached the Under The Pier Show Wilson was entranced, and insisted on trying everything, including The Bathyscape, Fly Drive, The Gene Forecaster, Whack-A-Banker and The Frisking Machine.

In the picture you can see him using The Chiropodist apparatus. He put one foot into the 'treatment bay' and inserted a coin; after a moment the 'Chiropodist' in the window disappeared into the bottom of the cabinet as Wilson leapt away like a scalded cat!

'She's interfering with my foot, New Dad!' he screamed. 'If any of my claws are damaged, I shan't hesitate to sue, you know!'

What the Butler Saw

We set off along the pier, but before we reached The Under The Pier Show Wilson spotted an old Mutoscope or 'What The Butler Saw' and insisted on having a go on it. 

He inserted a coin and pressed his face into the hood while turning the handle. I waited until the machine finished and asked him what he'd seen.

'I couldn't possibly tell you, New Dad — you would be too, too shocked!'

Southwold Pier

Architecturally, Southwold's pier is nothing to get excited about, but what makes it special is an amusement arcade called 'The Under The Pier Show.' 

This is filled entirely with coin-operated machines designed and made by eccentric English engineer and inventor Tim Hunkin — and that is where we're headed!

Lawn Bowling

The first thing Wilson noticed about Southwold is that it has a lighthouse in the middle of the village, right among the shops and houses!

The second thing he noticed was a lot of people playing Bowls, and after his recent triumph at ten-pin bowling he thought he'd like to try lawn bowling. Which is a very different kettle of fish.

While I parked the car, W ran down to the bowling greens to challenge the local players. By the time I arrived there was a bit of a stand-off, as W had been told that he couldn't play unless he had his own set of 'woods' [the bowling balls] and wore protective shoes. 

He argued the toss for a while, before accepting that he wasn't going to change their minds, and we headed towards The Pier. 

As we left, he muttered under his breath, 'They don't want to risk losing to a talented and mysterious stranger! People can be very cliquey towards outsiders — I've seen it again and again on "Doc Martin"!'

Leaving Day

After all the bowling, I think my shoulder is starting to stiffen up. Wilson was concerned that I might be unable to drive, and tried selflessly(!) to insist that I booked a few more nights here at the hotel… but once I'd told him of my plan to stop off in Southwold, he seemed anxious to get me in the car and set off!

If you remember the period tv drama series 'Upstairs, Downstairs' Southwold was where the family and most of their servants always went for their summer holidays. Not that it was much of a holiday for the servants, of course.

Final night..

This is the last time we shall sit in the hotel lounge, for tomorrow we set off for home.

It's always sad when a lovely holiday comes to an end, but our journey back to Uckfield takes us very close to a tiny Victorian village called Southwold, which has quite a special pier. 

I don't suppose it would hurt to stop off there for just a little while on the way home…

Victory photo

As we left the Bowling Lanes and headed along the pier back to shore, Wilson wanted to celebrate his Victory (or Rout, Trouncing, Crushing Defeat or Massacre as he variously described it) with a commemorative photograph of the two contenders. 

We enlisted the help of a couple of passers-by — one to take the photograph, one to support Wilson so he could get his head through the hole — and recorded the tournament fittingly for all posterity…