22/11/2014

Multiversal problem

Just as I feared, Wilson did notice the New Scientist Special Edition in the recycling, and is poring over the How To Live In The Multiverse feature.

These metaphysical, 'spacey' articles always unsettle him, and he keeps asking me how he can transfer into the universe where he's a millionaire… 
then reflecting that might be the same universe in which I'm an evil New Dad… 
then realising there'll be another where he's rich and I'm not evil, and wanting to know how to choose the right universe when there's an infinite number to choose from.

Or: 'If everything happens in one universe or another, what does it matter if I'm naughty in this one? I've got to be naughty in some universes, or the Law of the Multiverse will be broken!'

I really don't know what to say to him, but recalling the advice the psychiatrist gave me the last time he had one of these 'Reality' crises, I think a brisk walk in the woods is called for.

As soon as it stops raining...


21/11/2014

Multiverse

Following a couple of therapeutic mugs of hot chocolate (with extra therapeutic squirty cream, marshmallows and ant sprinkles) Wilson was pretty much back to his normal, cheerful self today. 

Then I saw him taking out the Recycling…

On top of the pile of magazines I spotted the New Scientist 'Multiverse Special Edition.' I'd meant to hide that and secretly dispose of it in a plain brown envelope at the bottom of the bin.

Perhaps W won't notice it...


20/11/2014

SAD — Seasonal Affective Disorder

FIrst thing this morning I heard Wilson playing quite a mournful rendition of There Is Nothing Like A Dame, from South Pacific, on his kazoo and spoons. Gradually his playing grew slower and slower, the kazoo dropped out and soon even the spoons fell silent.

Going to see if everything was alright, I found W gazing dolefully out the living room window at the bare trees and the fallen leaves outside. 

'What's up?' I asked him.

'Oh, I'm just contemplating where my life's going…' he replied disconsolately. 

I think all the new babies may have disturbed his equilibrium — made him feel old, perhaps. That, and the unwelcome approach of Winter. 

Still, once I'd made him a big mug of hot chocolate with squirty cream, marshmallows and ant sprinkles he seemed a bit more his usual self. 

I'm a big believer in the healing power of hot chocolate...


19/11/2014

Birth rate rises sharply!

Polly had a long labour, with many refreshment breaks, and it was starting to get dark when Johnson Minor was eventually 'born.' 

However, Billi didn't want to be left out and wanted to experience motherhood for herself — so  'Mother' and 'Midwife' switched roles and the entire process was repeated with Billi 'giving birth' to Johnson Major.

Wilson had by now moved on to Show Tunes and was belting out Ethel Merman's There's No Business Like Show Business. 

Quite a crowd had gathered, attracted by the music, the excitement and Johnson Minor running round shouting, 'I've been borned! I've been borned!' 

Finally, just as Wilson segued from 76 Trombones to the Colonel Bogey March, Johnson Maj. was 'born', with Tiny Toy lying next to him pretending to be his twin and shouting, 'PUSH! PUSH HARDER!'


18/11/2014

IT'S A BOY! A boy ladybird...

I was woken this morning by the sound of Wilson playing Roll Out The Barrel very loudly and enthusiastically on his spoons and kazoo, breaking off occasionally to shout, 'Push!' 'Pant!' 'Breathe!' 'I can see the head!' etc.

On going to investigate I was very surprised to find Polly, prone on the kitchen table, apparently giving birth. 

As Wilson segued seamlessly into Joe Pasquale's I've Got A Song That'll Get On Your Nerves, Billi explained that W had been so disappointed to miss Piper Bay's birth that she and Polly were re-enacting the occasion so he could experience what it would have been like if he hadn't arrived at the hospital too late and missed it all.

The 'baby' was played by a very excited Johnson Minor, while a bemused Johnson Major looked on. 

For 'educational purposes' apparently.


17/11/2014

When a child is born...

Okay, sorry there wasn't a blog post yesterday, but Wilson had a very trying day.

Because his replica Comet Lander was in 'Idle Mode' he missed the email letting him know that Ms Rowena had gone into labour. Since he is Ms R's Birthing Partner, when he did finally get the news he was thrown into a panic, scrambling out of the tumble dryer clutching his kazoo and calling my name. We jumped into the car and immediately set off for the hospital.

It was only after several miles that W realised that he had left his spoons at home. I assured him that the hospital would have thousands of spoons, but he can apparently only play his 'special' spoons, so we had to return to the house to collect them.

By the time we finally reached the hospital it was all over — Ms Rowena had given birth to a beautiful baby girl, Piper Bay, without the aid of Wilson's Birthing Music. 

All things considered, I have to say that's probably for the best — a stressful event will be made no less stressful when accompanied by a serenade on spoons and kazoo…