Wilson meets little Baby William!

With Talk Like A Pirate Day safely out of the way I hope we can resume what passes for Normal Life. 

Today we visited Wilson's friends Miss Jenny and Mr Simon to meet their new child, Baby William.

W seemed a bit shy and nervous around the baby at first, but pointed out that the name 'William' sounds a lot like 'Wilson', so he should probably be at least a God Father if not an actual Uncle to little Will.

As he began to regain his confidence, he asked Jenny, 'Can he do any tricks yet?' 

Then he confided to her that he thought William's nose was very short. 'He'll never be able to catch his own ants with a tiny nose like that! But I wouldn't worry about it, Miss Jen', he added, 'I expect it will grow.' 

Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Wilson is drinking a lot of Rum while relentlessly Talking Like A Pirate today, and pretending not to hear me if I don't Reply Like A Pirate! 

Most of what he's saying is along the lines of, 'Do ye recall whar we wus 'tis the hour this year gon, Matey? We wus on shore leave!' and, 'Blackpool were a cozy berth, shipmate, don't ye reckon?'

With his constant references to past holidays I think I can guess what his wish in the Fairy Ring was about, even though we returned from our last holiday only a few days ago!

Once he thought I'd got the idea that he wanted to go on another holiday, he changed tack and started discussing tomorrow's trip, saying 'I's a-lookin' forad t' seein' th' new sprog lad tomorra forenoon! Yarrr, so I am! Spare a few doubloons for an ol' sea-dog, ya knave?'

I'm not convinced that Malibu, while it does contain rum, is an authentic pirate tipple, but what do I know?

New Baby!

You remember Wilson's friend Miss Julia, the choreographer? Well, her sister Jenny has just had a baby! Wilson's never seen a human baby before, so when Jen invited us up to meet New Baby William I jumped at the opportunity. When I told W about this he was very excited too — until he found the invitation was for tomorrow. 

'We can't go tomorrow, New Dad' he explained. 'Tomorrow is Talk Like A Pirate Day, and as you know that's nearly as important as Xmas to me! You must ask Miss Jenny if we can go on Saturday.'

I emailed Jenny and she has kindly agreed that Saturday will be fine. 

Wilson is in the garden coaching the Johnson Brothers in how to Talk Like Pirates, but I can tell he's really looking forward to our impending trip. 

Y'arrr!

Fairy Ring

While playing with his football Wilson came across a large 'Fairy Ring' of toadstools in the grass. 

When I was little I was told that if you stand in the middle, close your eyes, turn round three times and make a wish, the wish will come true. I related this to W, who proceeded to do exactly that… before I'd had time to explain that there are also a lot of far more sinister myths which portend death or calamity befalling any mortal entering the circle. 

I think I'll keep quiet about them for now.

Anyway, once he'd made his wish W's mood brightened and he said he was really looking forward to Talk Like A Pirate Day later this week.

Also I've got a little surprise planned for him which I think he'll enjoy.

Kick-about in the sunshine

Wilson says that he has completed his self-help book, 'Men are from Mars, Anteaters are from Costa Rica'. He's written everything he can think of, and it's only seven pages long — even after changing the font to 28pt — and he is now suffering from Writers' Block.

His psychiatrist's advice that he should do less cerebral and more practical, anteaterly things, popped into my head, so I insisted we go for a nice long walk and a kick-about in the country to get some sunshine and fresh air. I hope that will blow his cobwebs away and rejuvenate him! 

I know he's looking forward to his copy of Leonard Cohen's new CD, 'Popular Problems' arriving soon, but I'm not sure whether that's the sort of thing he should be listening to in his current mood.

If anyone has any ideas of more stuff he could put in his book I think he'd be very grateful...

Men are from Mars...

Wilson, having spent much of yesterday checking under the beds in search of Dr Who Monsters but finding only dust-bunnies, is now pretty much recovered from his scare and his hangover.

After breakfast today he started on a new literary epic, which is a self-help book to be called 'Men are from Mars, Anteaters are from Costa Rica.' 

This will by all accounts be a big seller since it will explain in meticulous detail all the nuances of human/anteater transactions and social interchange. 

I suppose I'd better buy a copy myself, or I'll never hear the end of it…

Industrial Injury

Last night's episode of Doctor Who, 'Listen,' was quite nerve-wracking, so Wilson insisted on spending the night in my room so as not to be 'alone.' 

It didn't help that he also had a headache and felt dizzy, which he said was an 'industrial injury' caused by his BookPatch manufacturing process.

I prefer to call it a hangover caused by converting a full bottle of solvent into a half-full bottle of solvent, the solvent being vodka.

But I said nothing...