POSTCARDS FROM THE ZOO

While Wilson is on holiday with his family at the zoo he can't send any photographs (the zoo has withdrawn Wi-Fi privileges for all the animals because of some internet scam the warthogs were running).

Instead he's drawing pictures on his iPad, printing them out as postcards and mailing them to me each day.

Here is today's postcard:

Goodbye, Wilson! Have a wonderful time! Missing you already!

Wilson is packing for his two weeks holiday with his mum, Mrs Vermilingua, and her growing family. 

This time he'll be incommunicado as the zoo has suspended Wi-Fi privileges for the animals after the warthogs were found to be operating an internet scam involving rude photographs of warthogs. I wouldn't have thought there was much demand for that sort of thing, but you never know…

Anyway, W says he'll do some drawings on his iPad and print them out as postcards, which he'll send to me each day. 

I'm going to miss that little guy while he's away…

I perform a Good Deed...

Wilson has agreed to stay with his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, and the rest of his family as long as I promise to handle all business phone calls for him in what he describes as a 'meticulous and professional manner.' He's been coaching me in my telephone technique to be sure it reaches his high standards of efficiency and business-like politeness. 

He's in the dining room now, packing his cases. He seems to have more stuff to take each time he goes away!

While he was packing, I took a walk in the garden and came across sToneye stumbling around, still wearing his Talk Like a Pirate Day eyepatch. He seemed very relieved when I removed it for him.

Wilson scores a bargain!

Apart from being completely spoiled for choice, the lady in the shop said they had a lot of leftover odd socks that Wilson could have for a rock-bottom price! She let him have the whole lot for £29.77, the exact sum he had with him.

While this is undoubtedly a bargain, it left no change for W to buy any food to supplement our subsistence-level supply of Ant-and-Quorn sandwiches left over from his nightclub. 

Even if I pick the ants out, they're not very tasty… and the bread is starting to turn blue. 

A specialist supplier

Last night I asked Wilson whether he'd like to go and stay with his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, and his family for a little while. He said that would be 'Brilliant!' as long as it didn't interfere with his very busy schedule. I told him I was certain that his fledgling ODDSIES! business could spare him for a few days, and that I thought a break would do him good. 

Meanwhile, one of Wilson's friends, Adam, has told him about a specialist clothing shop that sells nothing but socks. He's on his way there now, and I expect you can guess how excited he is!

Wilson goes shoppig

While waiting for a reply from Miss Yuko at Sanrio Co Ltd about his cute Hi Wilson! character, Wilson has popped into the village to buy some socks with his nightclub profits. 

I hope he spends the change on some non-ant-related food — I'm getting a bit sick of leftover Ant-and-Quorn sandwiches. 

Meanwhile, I've taken advantage of his absence to phone the zoo where his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, lives to enquire whether he could have a brief holiday with her and his family. I sense in him a need to touch base, to reconnect with his "Inner Anteater" so to speak.

Merchandising

Wilson reminded me that he already has an extensive range of Hi Wilson! merchandise in place that Sanrio Co Ltd could start selling as soon as Miss Yuko gave the go-ahead. 

'What could be cuter than this Hi Wilson! embossed metal lunchbox?' he demanded, brandishing it in front of me. 

'But I must work on some more food-based merchandise — all I've got so far are the Gingerbread Anteaters… but I think I'll leave the ants out, just to maximise their appeal.' 

I told him I thought leaving out the ants was a very good idea.

'Hello Kitty? Huh! More like Goodbye Kitty!'