Research

Wilson's research has revealed that Hello Kitty's chief rival, ahead of her in the ratings since 2002, is Nippon Television's Anpanman,  a jam-filled pastry-based character. No, honestly — he hasn't made that up!

'With that sort of competition Hi Wilson! will be a shoe-in!' W exclaimed. 'As soon as Miss Yuko sees him she'll love him! Hi Wilson! is well cute, while Anpanman…' he gave a Gallic shrug accompanied by a derisory 'Poof!' noise, 'he's nothing but a talking doughnut!'

Hello Kitty

While skimming the on-line edition of the New York Times, as he does most days, Wilson has come across a story headlined: "In Search of Adorable, as Hello Kitty Gets Closer to Goodbye."

Ignoring the excessive capitalisation in the headline, he quickly devoured the story then announced to me that he would be contacting Miss Yuko Yamaguchi, Sanrio's head designer of Kawaii [cute] to show her his Hi Wilson! drawings.

'She's certain to love them,' he told me. 'Hi Wilson! can't fail!'

You can read the original NYT story here: http://goo.gl/zoPs8A

Avast, ye Blackhearted Scum!

Wilson has been very excited waiting for International Talk Like a Pirate Day to dawn, but finally it's here, and he sends this message to all his friends:

Ahoy buckos! Belay! 

Know ye, 'tis the hour in the year o' our Lord 'n twenty thousand and eleven when I did be on a real scurvy pirate ship in the Black Heart o' Blackpool! Here be a photo o' me a-boardin' that fine vessel!

I've a fierce fire in m' belly t' give some gifts t' ye, matey — a sign f'r t' go in t' window o' ye carriage, and something t' keep t' grog off'n ye chart table.

Yarrr, shipmates! Yarrrrrrrrrrrr!

I have little or no idea what's going on, and judging by their expressions, nor have Antony, Tiny Toy or Polly-B! I'm reassured to know that everything will be back to normal tomorrow. With any luck.

Getting very piratey!

It's almost International Talk Like a Pirate day! 

On TLaP day two years ago Wilson was on holiday in Blackpool, talking like a pirate while actually standing on a pirate ship! 

On TLaP day last year, he completely forgot it about, so this year he's determined to make up for last year's oversight. 

I don't know whether 'making up for last year' means a lot more talking like a pirate, or alternatively shouting like a pirate; either way I have some paracetamol to hand. 

This morning I found this memo left out for me.

I nearly have an autopsy!

I've had to visit the dermatology department at the hospital to have a biopsy. Wilson insisted on accompanying me to offer moral support, though I think he was more anxious than I was — when we checked in at Reception he told the nurse that he'd brought me in to have an autopsy!

There was a bit of a delay before I was seen, and when my name was finally called he clutched my hand so tightly in his paw that it hurt! 

He paid very close attention while the biopsy was taken (thankfully he didn't offer any advice, though I could tell he wanted to) but when the time came to have some stitches put in, he slumped in his chair in a faint! He had to be carried out by two nursing assistants and given a glass of water. 

When he recovered he presented me with one of his 'Hi Wilson!' sticking plasters and an 'I've Been Brave at the Dermatologist' sticker he'd made for me. 

I think he deserved a 'Brave' sticker too — it was a very tense time for him!  

Recovering from the weekend

After the emotional and physical strain of Saturday night's events, Wilson is having a quiet day in bed in the tumble dryer. 

I took his breakfast to him a little while ago and he still seems very satisfied with the outcome of his club night, although he did confess that maybe he wasn't cut out to be a full-time nightclub proprietor.

Afterparty debrief

After the club had closed we retired to the nearby Railway Tavern, where Wilson recounted the evening's events over a drink. To me at least, it did not sound like a resounding success. 

He told me that sTony kept dropping his guitar, while sToneye just stood there, blinking like a one-eyed rabbit caught in the headlights. Antony and Tiny Toy wouldn't come out of their dressing room — obviously — and while Polly B did her best, she forgot the words, so just hummed. Or buzzed.

Overall, then, everyone's stagecraft could be improved.

However, Wilson said that he viewed the event as a great success — of the nine people who attended only two asked for their money back; the others thought it was quite funny. Also, Ant Gin and Cheesy Wotsits sales were brisk, although the Ant-and-Quorn sandwiches less so. 

He's very pleased with an overall profit of £29.77 which will certainly buy some socks for the Oddsies! enterprise. 

In other news, I guess we'll be living off Ant and Quorn sandwiches for the next week or so…