Mothers' Day

Wilson, in spite of several reminders from me, had forgotten that it's Mothers' Day this Sunday! He's been in a frenzy of creativity since first thing this morning, so he can catch the last mail collection this afternoon.

Unfailingly addressing her as 'Mrs Vermilingua' Wilson has a strangely formal relationship with his mum.

Total Eclipse...

Total Eclipse of the Heart is one of Wilson's all-time favourite songs - I often hear him belting it out in the bathroom while he's pretending to take a shower - so you can imagine how stoked he is to learn that Bonnie Tyler has been confirmed to sing our entry in the Eurovision Song Contest!

'We'll be a shoe-in, New Dad!' he exclaimed, brandishing one of his notorious forged autographed photos. 'La Grande-Bretagne, vingt points!'

I hope he's right. My only concern is that our entry doesn't have a key change. Well, that and the rest of Europe hating us!

Pope Joe's

Still no news about the new Pope. I know Wilson is hoping to use the popemobile for coffee deliveries around Vatican City – Italy being, after all, the home of fine coffee, and a Papal endorsement would surely increase sales. 

He's also mentioned that, once elected, he hopes to start a coffee export business, franchising his proposed Pope Joe coffee brand throughout the Roman Catholic empire. He's so confident that he's already designed the new coffee cups… but I think getting elected might be more difficult than W imagines.

The Ant King is Crowned!

Wilson searched diligently all day yesterday, hoping to find at least one ant… and eventually he did! 

He must NEVER find out that it was the emergency ant I took with me. As darkness began to fall I released it near to where W was searching. After several minutes of him not noticing it, I eventually pointed to it and said, 'Hey, what's that?'

At first he couldn't see it, but at long last his vigilance was rewarded. 

'Ant! Ant!' he cried, a note of hysteria creeping into his voice after so much fruitless searching. 'I am the Ant King!'

Accordingly, this morning he paraded through Uckfield Town Centre wearing his Ant King's crown and triumphantly displaying the ant in a jam jar, before a frankly disappointing turn-out of admirers. Actually, there was just me and a school crossing patrol lady.

'In Costa Rica, the streets would have thronged with cheering crowds,' he told me. 'There, National Ant Day is bigger than Easter, but here… no-one cares. However I am not downhearted, for I am Ant King 2013! A righteous victory is mine!'

The Big Day dawns...

We are now in the woods hunting for ants. Actually, a single ant would do – it's cold but sunny, so Wilson has high hopes of finding at least one. 

He explained to me that the 'National' in National Ant Day refers to Costa Rica, where it's much warmer by now. 

W thinks his nose has been upset by wearing his plastic Red Nose, so he can't properly detect the ants' characteristic aroma of formalin. 

If all else fails, I have an ant in my pocket which I will secretly release later. 

Preparing for the Big Day!

This morning I found Wilson in the kitchen preparing for National Ant Day tomorrow. He has assembled the necessities – a jam jar and a gold crown – ready for our expedition to the woods in search of the first ants of the year. 

I hope it's warmer than last year's National Ant Day, when W didn't find a single ant and we were both chilled to the bone. To be on the safe side, I plan to take a live ant with us and release it while W's not looking, but somewhere he can't fail to see it.