01/09/2012

A new month dawns...

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Photographs of the lovely WILSON are by Tamanduagirl at 
http://www.livingwithanteaters.com/ and are used by kind permission.


31/08/2012

Debrief


Wilson, Antony, the Genuine Souvenir Stone and I retired to a nearby pub for a debrief of the Uckfield Bridge Heritage Tour
'What did you think of the tour, then? Wilson asked, expectantly.
'Well…' I said, but before I could continue, W stopped me.
'You hated it, didn't you? I can tell.'
'No,' I replied, I didn't hate it at all. I thought the tour was very good indeed.'
'But?'
'The trouble isn't the tour, it's the bridge itself. Its history is unimpressive, and after all it's only just over 100 years old. And there's nowhere you can go to look at the bridge, you can only stand on it. And although your talk was very interesting, the whole tour was over in just five minutes.'
W's face fell a little. He reached under the Genuine Souvenir Stone and pulled out an envelope addressed to him. 'I received this this morning,' he said, passing it to me. 
I took out the letter, which was from Uckfield Hospital. The gist of it was that they'd become aware of Wilson's Uckfield Bridge Heritage Tour and they were concerned about the refreshments he planned. They said that following his previous tours with refreshments, the hospital had been overwhelmed with food-poisoning victims and they wanted to know the dates of his next tour so they could lay on extra emergency staff. 
Wilson shrugged in a resigned sort of way. 'That about settles it, doesn't it?' he said. 'Are you sure you wouldn't like to buy the Genuine Souvenir Stone?'
'Oh, alright,' I replied, handing over a £5 note, 'As long as you carry it home…'
'You'll have to carry it,' he said. 'My paws will be full what with Antony, the traction engine photograph and this £5 note. When you get it home, you can put it in the Wilson Vermilingua OBE Museum of Old Stuff and A Robot.'

30/08/2012

The Uckfield Bridge Heritage Tour


Wilson reached behind a wall and produced a big photograph, telling me that this was a picture of the traction engine that knocked the bridge down, lying under the bridge, taken by Uckfield photographer Mr George Bingham Towner. 
'On Saturday 27 June 1903 a steam traction engine was being driven over the bridge by Mr Horace Wright and by Mr Frederick Bennett who was the steerer, and Mr Alfred Yeomans who probably did something else. When they were half way over the bridge pulling two trucks loaded with stone, the bridge broke and the traction engine fell straight down. Mr French the fireman and Dr Sweet the doctor helped the men up, and they weren't badly hurt.' 
Wilson stopped for a moment and referred to his notes, before continuing.
'Repairing the bridge took a long time and it didn't re-open until May 1904. Mr John Fife said that the new bridge was better than the Tower Bridge, the Tay Bridge and the Forth Bridge, but he might have been trying to be funny. Any Questions? No? Then that concludes the Uckfield Bridge Heritage Tour, I shall serve your refreshments in a minute.'
Wilson then tried to sell me a souvenir stone from the original bridge. I asked him if it was genuine. 
'It's a genuine stone,' he replied, a little shiftily.
'No, I mean is it genuinely from the original bridge?' I persisted.
'Probably. I found it under the new bridge, so where else would it be from? Or perhaps it's one of the stones that fell out of the carts the traction engine was pulling over the bridge. Either way it's a brilliant souvenir and well worth £5!'
I declined the souvenir stone and the refreshments, and thanked Wilson for a very interesting tour.

29/08/2012

There's always something in the way...


I asked Wilson when I could have a proper look at the bridge. 
'You can't,' he replied bluntly. 'There's nowhere you can go to look at the bridge apart from if you stand on that big pipe over the river. But that doesn't look very strong.'
'Can't you see it from the railway station platform?' I asked, 'Or the garden of the café over the road?'
'No, I've tried all those places,' he confessed, 'and you can't see it from anywhere. There's always something in the way. Oooh look, there are some ducks!' he shouted, deftly changing the subject. You can feed those with the Heritage Tour Duck Food I'm producing, except I haven't got any with me today because I haven't quite finished designing the Limited Edition Souvenir Bags.'
Oooh look, there are some ducks!

28/08/2012

The tour is unexpectedly interesting


Next, Wilson showed us (well, just me by now) the stone plaque commemorating the building of the original bridge in 1617.
'After more than 200 years, they knocked the old, stone bridge down and built a new one out of iron, just like the iron bridge at Ironbridge!' he enthused, 'But better!'
He pointed to another plaque, dated 1858, which marked the building of the new bridge. 
'So this is the 1858 bridge?' I asked. 
'Um, not exactly,' W replied, 'there was a bit of an accident and that one fell down,' he confessed.

27/08/2012

The Tour begins...


Antony and I turned up at the Uckfield Bridge and waited for our tour guide. Wilson had popped round the corner for a few minutes to prepare himself. 
After a little while W reappeared, approached us with a smile and welcomed us to the Uckfield Bridge Heritage Tour Experience
We had assembled under the River Uck sign at one end of the bridge; W pointed at the sign and explained that the Uckfield Bridge was a bridge crossing the River Uck, which had previously been called the River Ouse. If it were still called the River Ouse, the town would probably be called Ousefield, and this would be the Ousefield Bridge.
A good start, I thought, although I could tell W was very nervous. I held Antony out to him, thinking it might calm him down, and he took him gratefully.


26/08/2012

Feedback


I've persuaded Wilson to give me the Uckfield Bridge Heritage Tour, so I can give him some feedback. 
My real fear is that there is little to say and nothing to see, and I'd hate for him to be standing in front of a party of disgruntled tourists who've paid £5 each when he realises this for himself.
W says he should be ready for a dry-run tomorrow.