25/08/2012

Vandalism!


Wilson has just returned from handing out some more of his Uckfield Bridge Tour leaflets in town. 
While he was out, he noticed that a few of his posters had been vandalised: someone had written an "F" in front of the word Uckfield on one of them and scrawled "RUBISH!" across another. Someone had even drawn a pair of glasses on W's face! 
He thought that the poster with the "F" on was too rude to ignore, so he changed the "F" into a "D". Sweet.
W was surprised by this 'mindless vandalism,' concluding that 'it's probably the parents' fault!' 
He has now returned to researching the history of the bridge online. 

24/08/2012

Publicity drive


Wilson has begun his publicity campaign to promote his Uckfield Bridge tours. He has fly-posted several buildings in town (which he knows I don't approve of) and also been handing out leaflets to passers-by.
Now he's home again, researching what there is to say about a relatively unremarkable small-town bridge. Good luck with that!


23/08/2012

World Heritage Site campaign


Wilson has just explained his new scheme to me. He intends to turn the Uckfield Bridge into a World Heritage Site and run tours of it, the money raised being donated to the Elderly Elephants' home. He has already produced a brochure to promote his tours.
This sounds to me like another doomed venture, like the 'Haunted Uckfield' tour… but who knows? I hope I'm wrong and it's a great success. 


22/08/2012

Caution: Anteater At Work


Wilson has shut himself away on the iMac all day today – he wouldn't even come out for coffee, saying that he was 'too busy' and asking me to leave it on a tray outside the door. 
He won't tell me what he's doing, so I can but fear the worst: another doomed money-making scheme.
PS. I've just received a confirmation email for a huge order of printer ink. W must be planning to do a LOT of printing! 

21/08/2012

Wilson reconsiders


I have discussed with Wilson what I think are the problems with his plan. Principal among these is my fear that families might turn up for the Grand Charity Garden Open Day, intending to visit the Wilson Vermilingua OBE Museum of Old Stuff And A Robot, but at the last minute the children refuse to part with their teddy-bears. I foresee a lot of harrowing scenes and bad publicity.
W grudgingly agreed and said he would think of another plan… but without the benefit of chemical aid this time, as he has sworn off Cheesy Wotsits. He says he just can't handle the come-down. 
I don't know what he's up to, but he's borrowed my camera and popped in to town for an hour. 

20/08/2012

Wilson ODs


Wilson finally emerged, his mouth and paws stained orange and clearly on a Cheesy Wotsits high, with what he claimed was a solution to his elephants/sloths dilemma. 
He proposes that admission to the Grand Charity Garden Open Day be by cash, which will be donated to the Elderly Elephants sanctuary, while admission to the Wilson Vermilingua OBE Museum of Old Stuff And A Robot should be by donation of teddy bears, which will be sent off to the Sloth Orphanage.
This seems both over-complicated and fraught with problems, but W is in no mood to hear that right now - he is totally spaced out in a Cheesy Wotsit-induced world of illusion… in fact, he's gone back to bed to sleep it off.


19/08/2012

A three-bag problem for Wilson


One of Wilson's friends, Sheila, emailed him to say she thinks the elephants are a more deserving case than the sloths… but W is not an anteater who makes decisions lightly, nor does he yield to public opinion.
Sherlock Holmes, one of W's all-time heroes, described really intractable conundrums as 'three pipe' problems. Wilson retired to the living room, settled himself into the arm chair with a caterers' pack of Cheesy Wotsits, and announced, 'It is quite a three bag problem, and I beg that you won't speak to me for fifty minutes.'
Eventually he emerged, declaring that he had formulated a solution which would benefit both the sloths and the elephants.
I don't mind Wilson using Holmes' methods, but I'm pretty sure that he thinks of me as his Watson - good-hearted but bumbling, a sincere but dim sidekick.

Incidentally, here's another photo of W at the RAF Museum. Just out of frame there was a security person telling Wilson to 'get out of that plane NOW!'