18/08/2012

Wilson's dilemma


Wilson was watching Sky News this morning and saw an item about a retirement home for elderly elephants in Thailand. 
W has a soft spot for elephants, and now he's in a dilemma about whether the proceeds from his Grand Charity Garden Open Day and the ticket sales from the Wilson Vermilingua OBE Museum of Old Stuff should go to the elephant retirement home or, as originally planned, to the Sloth Orphanage...

17/08/2012

sTONY


Wilson has just finished installing the Easter Island Heads in the garden. Against all expectations, they don't actually look quite as bad as I expected… except that the grinning rock has been positioned in pride of place. Ugh! 
Wilson says the rock's name is sTONY, and he keeps asking my advice about sTONY's dental hygiene: should W brush his teeth, take him to the dentist etc. He says that he's asked sTONY, but he won't reply(!) He stonewalled him! Ha ha!


16/08/2012

We strike a bargain


Before Wilson would promise to cancel his Readymix order, he asked me to agree to buy him one more garden ornament. 
I asked him what it was, and he scuttled off to the Stoneware section, reappearing a few minutes later carrying what I thought was the ugliest and most repellent thing I had ever seen in my life. It was a rock... with false teeth. My face fell.
'If I can have this, the Readymix is toast!' Wilson announced cheerfully. 
Well, it's horrific and it's ugly… it's hideous, horrible, frightful, awful, ghastly, vile, revolting, repellent, repulsive and repugnant. It's grotesque, disgusting, monstrous, misshapen, deformed and disfigured… but it's cheaper and smaller that six tons of concrete, and W likes it. I reluctantly nodded to the woman on the check-out and she rang it up. 
'Oh, thanks, New Dad!' W exclaimed as we pushed the trolley back to the car, 'This is well funny!'


15/08/2012

Head time


To stave off the ennui and anticlimax following our holiday, we visited a garden centre for a look round and a cup of coffee. While we were there, Wilson spotted some very small Easter Island Heads. 
He examined them closely, while I held my breath, hardly daring to hope…
'These are cool!' W suddenly announced, 'and we'll be able to afford lots of them!' 
I wasted no time in loading several of the heads onto a trolley and whisking them off to the checkout. 
Before I paid, I extracted a promise from Wilson that as soon as we got the heads home, he would telephone Readymix and cancel the six tons of concrete. He agreed, on one condition…

13/08/2012

Home again...


Home again, at last. Throughout the journey home, Wilson pretended he was flying a GAW (Great Ant Wars) fighter plane. Harmless, but the constant engine noises and Gatling Gun sound effects did get a little tiresome after a few hours.
W said he really loved the holiday, although he's a bit miffed he missed the Olympic Pillow Fighting finals, and he can't even find out who won.
I let him stay up to see the Olympic Closing Ceremony last night, so now he's still sound asleep in the tumble dryer, snoring gently.

Wilson's "I've Been To..." flag collection is growing nicely. He's very proud of them!

12/08/2012

'Flying - it's in my blood!'


We visited the Cosford RAF Museum on the way home, and Wilson loved it! 
All the exhibits were protected by barriers and "Do Not Touch" signs, but whatever I said W just ignored them, shouting 'Flying - it's in my blood!' all the time. In the end I just pretended we weren't together and hoped Security wouldn't ask us to leave.
In the photo you can see W explaining to Antony all about his Great, Great … Grandfather, the legendary "Blue Baron", and his heroic exploits during the Great Ant Wars of 1921