Wilson limits his exposure

You may have noticed that you've not seen too many photos of Wilson lately. Actually, he's been dodging out of the way whenever I've produced my camera. 

When I asked him about this he told me that he was 'limiting his exposure' prior to the release of Titanic: The Film, when he planned a big publicity splash with 'loads of invitations to talk shows etc.' He said he was particularly looking forward to meeting Mr Jonathan Ross and Dr Mark Kermode the film critic.

Editing...

Wilson is now busy editing Titanic: The Film. He says what he really needs is a Moviola machine or a Steenbeck desk; what he actually has, however, is a pair of scissors, a roll of Sellotape... and a tiny Steenbeck label to stick on his scissors.

Strike the Set!

Actual filming of Titanic: The Film has now ended, and Wilson has informed me that it is now in Post Production. This, apparently, can 'make or break a movie.' 

He has now 'Struck the Set'  which means moving all his props, lighting, scenery etc out of the shed and moving in a load of useless old crap, because The Shed has now been re-designated The Wilson Vermilingua OBE Museum of Old Stuff.  

What with Post Production of the film, arranging all the exhibits in his Museum and preparing to open the gardens to the public, I really hope W hasn't taken on too much...

A noble sacrifice

Wilson is so pleased with the 'sinking' sequences that he's decided to leave them in the film. However, in his radical re-write of the ending, the Titanic is saved and bobs back up to the surface. 

A new character, a humble stoker from Costa Rica, who turns out to be (surprise!) a brave anteater, dives down and plugs the hole with some ant-flavoured queque seco (a sort of Costa Rican cake) which he had in his pocket and had been saving as a gift for his girlfriend in New York. 

Rewrite

Having now seen Titanic: The Movie, Wilson is re-writing his screenplay for Titanic: The Film. He told me he was changing the ending so it wasn't so 'downbeat'. 

'You mean Jack's not going to die?' I asked him.

'I mean the ship's not going to sink,' he replied.

This is weird because, whenever I watch a documentary about the Titanic, I find myself thinking, 'I think it might be alright this time'!

A harrowing scene is omitted

Wilson is very proud of the sinking scene, which he has just shown me. He explained that while in Mr James Cameron's movie the ship broke in half, he decided not to show that because it might be 'too harrowing for the audience'. And he has to return the model Titanic to its owner in one piece. If possible before he notices that he's lent it to Wilson.

Retrofitted 3D

Following our visit to the iMax theatre, Wilson has just told me he's thinking of releasing Titanic: The Film in 3D. 

I started to explain about twin-lens cameras and inter-ocular distances, but W stopped me, saying, 'It's okay, New Dad - I know how it's done! I took off the 3D glasses during the film, and it's just a trick. Look, you put on the so-called "special" glasses, but really they're just sunglasses; they make the picture so dim that you can't tell whether you're watching 2D or 3D! And without them on, the picture looks like this!' He showed me this 3D-ised frame from his film.  'Anyway, Mr James Cameron's film wasn't shot in 3D either, he did it all afterwards!'

I do have some doubts about this.